(Not) Teaching Your Child Good Study Habits
Some kids have killer study habits. They manage time effectively, leave time for drafting and revising, and organize their assignments and their calendars like champions.
And then there’s every other kid.
So if you have a child who procrastinates, crams for tests, does work at the last minute, or is generally disorganized, you’re not alone. (And if you’re worried that your young child will procrastinate, cram, do work at the last minute, or be generally disorganized in the future, you’re also not alone!)
It may sound dramatic, but poor study habits have the power to take down a whole household. (If you’ve experienced it, you know!) It’s especially upsetting when you feel that poor study habits are sabotaging your child’s academic potential or mental health, or when your child’s last-minute panics leave you picking up the pieces, editing essays or practicing flashcards in a frenzy.
It doesn’t have to be that way.
You can reduce everyone’s stress, increase your child’s autonomy and sense of responsibility, and set them up for greater confidence and competence throughout their lives. How?…
Don’t teach your child “good” study habits. Teach your child their study habits.
To unpack what we mean by that, let’s back up for a minute and have a look at your work habits.
Do you work better in the morning or late at night?
Do you tend to do big projects in short bursts or in one long sprint?
Are you the sort of person who organizes everything with a clear system…or does your “organizational” system look totally incomprehensible to other people?
Is spacing out in the middle of a task a necessary part of your process, or does spacing out mean that you need to take a break?
Do you pace yourself carefully in order to do your best work, or have you grudgingly accepted that you always do your best work in a last-minute burst of adrenaline?
If you can answer at least some of those questions…Congratulations! You know a bit about your own best work habits (which may or may not be “objectively good” work habits). You know what habits and actions help you get things done as smoothly as possible, enable you to be as creative and/or efficient and/or productive as possible, and prevent you from wasting precious energy trying to do things in ways that simply don’t work for you. Acquiring that self-knowledge took time and life experience. It was a process—one that may still be ongoing.
Now imagine if you could give your kids a leg-up in that process.
Imagine if they could become experts in their own best work habits long before they become adults.
This is what helping kids learn their study habits is all about.
So how do you teach kids to be experts in their own study habits?
You can help your child learn about their own study habits by helping them:
Make choices about how they study and work
Make observations about those choices
Make new choices (or stick with old ones).
Here’s how you can use this process to teach good study habits at every age:
1. Elementary school
At this age, kids can make simple choices about how they work. Try offering them options like:
“Do you want to sit at your desk or at the dining table?"
“Should we have a snack before we start this project or should we save the snack for after you’re done?”
“Should we do your math first or your reading?”
“Do you want to take a break now or wait until we’ve finished the whole chapter?”
2. Middle school
While continuing to offer middle schoolers age-appropriate choices, you can also introduce the idea that you’re doing experiments and collecting data:
“Let’s see what makes it easier, doing it this way or doing it that way.”
“Let’s see what happens if we change x or y.”
“Whoa, interesting! You finished your assignments so much faster when you worked in a quiet room.”
Try to generate curiosity. (Even better, try to be genuinely curious yourself!) For most kids this age, experiments can be fun, and collecting data can be intriguing.
3. High school
By this time (or even earlier), many students may be making completely independent choices about how and when to work. You can still help them learn about themselves and refine their work habits by sharing your own (hopefully positive) observations with them and asking questions that help them reflect on their choices. Depending on how open they are to your commentary and observations, you can try saying things like:
“That’s so cool/interesting that you actually remembered the material better when you went to bed early than when you spent extra hours cramming.”
“Wow, when you listen to music while you write, you look like you are in the zone. Is that why you always turn music on when you write, or is it for some other reason?”
“I can’t believe you’re able to work for so long without taking a break. When I do that, I start spacing out and making sloppy mistakes.”
Try to approach moments like this with a genuinely open mind and curiosity. It matters less what you encourage your child to do or not do and more that you’re inviting them to think critically about their choices. In fact…
When you invite your child to reflect and make choices about how they work, you’ll be teaching them much more than just “study habits.”
By teaching your children to assess and identify their own “best practices,” you’ll help them develop greater autonomy and independence. Your child will learn how to ask and answer the question “What do I need to do to help me thrive or succeed right now?”
That’s is why even kids who already have the color-coded folders and the well-organized calendars can still benefit from learning to think about (and make active choices around) their work habits. They’ll gain adaptability, self-awareness, confidence, and the ability to make constructive choices independently—skills they can apply to all areas of their lives.
Of course it’s not always easy to teach your kids these tools.
Here are three tips to make it easier:
Accept that your kids will make mistakes—and that’s part of the process
It may be scary to let your child learn through trial and error. It may be especially scary in the context of schoolwork, where the stakes can understandably feel high. Just remember that the goal is for your child to learn to make make intentional, independent choices. That means allowing them to learn through trial and error. It may be scary, but the results will be worth it, especially as your child begins to gain self-knowledge and a sense of responsibility for their own study habits, allowing you to do less micromanaging and supervising.
Recognize that you and your child are on the same team
It’s hard to believe, but we swear it’s true: When it comes to study habits, you and your child actually want the same thing. Most kids (like most adults) want to feel they’re succeeding. Your child wants to feel competent, capable, and independent. This means that when they find the study habits that work for them, it will feel…good. Feeling empowered to make their own choices—and seeing that those choices help them do better work and feel better doing it—is truly its own reward. Most kids are genuinely motivated to stick with the right formula once they discover it.
Know that your child’s best study habits might drive you insane—and that’s okay
Everyone’s work habits are different. That sounds easy enough to accept, but if you’ve ever collaborated on a project with a friend, relative, or team member who has very different work habits from you, you know from experience how maddening it can be. It’s infuriating to watch someone do things in a way that seems totally inefficient, and it’s stressful to watch someone do things in a way that seems too intense. And when it’s your own child? Seeing how different their work habits are from yours can be truly baffling. Try to remember that your child’s most effective and comfortable ways of working might be completely different from yours. In fact, they might be the opposite of yours.
Major Takeaways:
Not every child has traditionally “good” study habits…and that’s okay.
It’s much more important that each child learns what works for them.
You can teach your child how to identify their own study habits by
Providing them with choices about how they work
Encouraging them to make observations and do experiments to find what works best
Sharing your own observations and reflections with them
Learning their own best study habits not only helps kids in their academic lives; it also:
Builds independence and confidence
Eases parental stress
Gives kids and teens the tools to know themselves and know how to adapt to and thrive within a wide variety of circumstances
It’s not always easy to teach your child good work habits, but if you can trust the process, it can be rewarding and helpful for everyone involved.
We hope you use the ideas above not just as a “how-to” guide, but as a catalyst that will spark your own thoughts about new ways you can help your child feel independent, strong, and successful. If you feel like the window to teach your child their study habits has closed, or you can’t quite figure out how to support them the way they need, or if you have additional questions about how to implement these ideas or how they will play out in your unique family, with your unique goals and values, we’re here for you. Contact us to book a 15-minute consultation.